How Can I Tell if My Relationship Needs Help?
Longer Periods of Being Together Highlight Issues
In the ups and downs of life, most relationships will face the occasional difficult episode. It’s a perfectly normal facet of the process of evolving together. However, statistics show that there is a spike in divorce enquiries after the summer holidays, during the Christmas period or in the first few weeks of a new year. But what’s behind this phenomenon?
The answer is simple. These extended periods of being together can highlight the gaps in communication, intimacy and connection between partners. As a relationship and intimacy coach, I’ve noticed a similar pattern with my clients. Many couples seek my advice after spending a few weeks of continuous time together.
Four Common Warning Signs
Here are four common warning signs that your relationship is in trouble and may be in need of help:
Communication Breakdown: One of the earliest signs of trouble is when regular communication starts to falter. Talks that once flowed easily and honestly become strained or even non-existent.
Emotional disconnect: If you find that you and your partner are saying less loving and encouraging things to each other and that loving gestures such as kissing and holding hands are becoming less frequent, this could be a warning sign of emotional distance.
Lack of Intimacy: If physical intimacy is waning, it’s usually a clear sign that your relationship needs attention. It’s very rare for both partners to be happy in a sexless relationship.
Emotional Tensions: Unresolved conflicts and/or ongoing tensions can dominate your relationship, creating a toxic atmosphere that can quickly lead to full-blown verbal and even physical confrontations. Such patterns are toxic. They usually drain the energy and quality of life of both partners and are a strong indicator of the need for immediate intervention.
Consider the Following
If your relationship is experiencing one or more of these warning signs, consider the following:
Communicate: Regular and honest communication is one of the key elements of a healthy relationship. Make it a habit to talk to your partner about your feelings, thoughts and concerns. It may be helpful to set aside 1-3 hours a week for these conversations, as many people consciously or unconsciously avoid any kind of conflict unless there is a set time commitment. During these discussions, be patient and kind with each other. Try not to react emotionally when discussing difficult topics. Remember that we all have our own emotional perspectives and different ways of thinking and decision-making.
Set fixed goals: Discuss what you both want to improve in your relationship and set specific goals based on what you decide together. Brainstorm about ways to work through the problems you are facing.
Seek outside help: It can be advisable to seek outside help, especially if you are dealing with a number of issues at once. If you decide to follow this route, the type of support you need will depend on your individual situation. A good place to start would be with a couples therapist, who can help you learn strategies for revitalising and structuring your relationship.
Unconventional approaches: You may also want to consider exploring unconventional approaches, such as sharing a threesome, learning about Tantric & Taoist practices, or even opening up your relationship to a more liberated concept, i.e. an ‘ENM relationship’.
© Philipp, 04 January 2024
