A Guide to the Ménage-à-Trois
Three-Way Sex Is One of the Most Popular Fantasies
Many people fantasise about it, but few actually experience it: the infamous ménage à trois. The only way to find out if sex beyond the traditional two-person relationship is something you enjoy is to explore this vibrant realm. Ideally, step by step and with the right preparation.
Rest assured, you’re not alone in your desire. Three-way sex is one of the most popular sexual fantasies for both men and women.
Talk to Your Partner
Even if one of you wants to fulfil this erotic fantasy as soon as possible, your partner may not be so keen on the idea of a threesome. Choose a quiet moment to ask for their opinion. It’s important to communicate honestly and openly. Fear of loss and jealousy can be significant hurdles for many people. Open communication and the trust it fosters is the only way to overcome these emotional barriers.
In addition to jealousy and fear of losing your partner, the idea of having a ‘rival’ in bed can be off-putting. Perhaps it makes a difference whether the third person is a woman or a man?
Man or woman: Who shall be the third in the group?
This may be a controversial question. In fact, studies have shown that women prefer to see a second man, while men prefer to see a second woman in bed during the ménage-à-trois. Only a minority seem to be happy with a same-sex play partner.
So how do you solve this dilemma? You could try pleasing one partner first and then the other in the next threesome. Alternatively, you could go one step further and share a sensual experience with another couple? The important thing is that you both end up happy with the chosen constellation.
De Figuris Veneris (Wikimedia Commons)
Set Clear Rules to Avoid Arguments
To prevent this sensual adventure from turning into a tearful drama, discuss certain details with your partner and, if necessary, agree on a set of rules. Who is allowed to do what with whom, and what is off-limits? Maybe you don’t want your partner to kiss the other person intimately during the threesome. Perhaps your partner doesn’t want the third person to bring you to orgasm, reserving that for themselves. Make sure to sort out these details beforehand.
A Threesome Can Be a Stress Test for the Relationship
Think carefully about what you want to share as a couple. Ask yourself if you will both be able to put the threesome into perspective afterwards. It’s important to be on the same page here. There is no way around it. Persuasion is completely out of place when planning such adventures. If concerns persist, I suggest to put the idea on hold.
Take the time to talk to each other about what you expect from the experience and what your reservations or blockages are.
How to Find a Partner for a Threesome?
Looking for a third person to share a sensual night with? Decide whether a known friend or a stranger should share your bedroom. This is a very personal choice. Not everyone can share and enjoy intimacy with a complete stranger. For many, trust and attraction are a prerequisite for getting out of their heads and truly enjoying sexual pleasure.
For some, however, the jealousy factor – and the insecurity that comes with it – is easier to deal with when a stranger is invited into the bedroom.
If you decide to share intimacy with someone you don’t know, I recommend getting to know them first, ideally as a couple, with no strings attached. This could be over a drink, a meal or perhaps a sports session.
Of course, there are special clubs and online communities dedicated to ethical non-monogamy, but this is not for everyone, as the intimacy shared in these spaces is often very focused on the physical aspects of sex and therefore limited.
Alternatively, investigate your circle of friends and acquaintances for couples who live in open relationships. Today, free-love is a lifestyle enjoyed by people of all ages and sexual orientations.
De Figuris Veneris (Wikimedia Commons)
Share Attention Equally Between Partners
A threesome has its own unique challenges. During three-way sex, you can’t always take care of both partners at the same time. To ensure that neither partner feels neglected, make a conscious effort to include both partners in the lovemaking. There should be a healthy balance so that everyone gets their fair share and the erotic atmosphere doesn’t fade.
Consider your choice of positions. There are many lustful positions in which you can share a lot of pleasure during a ménage à trois. Classics include the ‘Eiffel Tower’, the ‘Three-way Spoon’ and the ‘Daisy Chain’. In addition, occasional touches, strokes, licks, kisses and even glances can transfer sexual energy to the person of your choice. Even little gestures can show appreciation.
Massages are also a great way to share pleasure with each other. Who hasn’t dreamed of being pampered with a tantric four-hand massage?
Don’t Have Exaggerated Expectations
When it comes to your first ménage-à-trois, anything is possible. From completely new sensations of pleasure to total disappointment. That’s why I recommend that you don’t go into it with high expectations. Whatever happens, think of it as an adventure, an opportunity to learn new things, and maybe even confront your limitations and fears, and by that liberate yourself.
In my experience, it’s always fascinating to experience the new elements and fresh sexual energy that a third person brings to your love life. Many couples report a rejuvenation of their libido and passion for each other when exposed to this external sexual energy. Others find it already very exciting and stimulating just to watch their partner make love to someone else.
With a third person present, you may not be able to relax completely during lovemaking. This should not make you feel insecure, as it is quite normal. Remember that it often takes repeated exchanges to really get to know each other. This will make the sensuality you share more intimate, flowing and satisfying.
De Figuris Veneris (Wikimedia Commons)
In Conclusion, an Important Piece of Advice
The risk of running into an unsatisfactory experience can be greatly reduced by communicating openly and honestly in advance. It is also very beneficial if all participants find each other mentally, physically and energetically attractive and ideally share a form of loving resonance with each other.
For me this has become an absolute requirement. I will only share intimacy with a group of people if there is an adequate basis of love and attraction between all involved. Otherwise I’ve found that the flow of sexual energy is limited because individuals can’t fully open up, let go and enjoy.
© Philipp, 12 April 2023
