Budapest

The Collective Consciousness Is Infused With Resentment and Fear

Budapest has changed since my last visit. The collective consciousness is infused with resentment and fear, which stands in contradiction to the usual vibe I love about the city. To fully understand, one needs to take a peek into the history of Budapest and Hungary in general.

After the Nazi annexation was ended by the Soviets in early 1945, the country once again fell under the occupancy of another extrinsic regime. 44 years later, with the fall of the Iron Curtain, Hungary finally held free elections and regained its autonomy.

From what I’ve been told by the locals, life must have been tremendously difficult during the 4,4 decades of communist hegemony. Oppression, despotism, violence, poverty – famines. By 1989, much of the city lay in ruins, facades blackened by time and pollution, bullet holes and damage from the Second World War still unrepaired.

In the last 33 years, the city has flourished. Nowadays, if you walk along the Danube river, past the famous bridges, you will be in awe of the beauty and splendour of the city. Talking to the inhabitants, you always sense a great pride and gratitude for this – relatively new – freedom and prosperity they have achieved.

View from the castle, Budapest 10/2022

Fear Grips Tightly Into the Hearts and Minds of People

This time however things feel very different. A lingering fear of the current actions of the increasingly unpredictable former occupant, just a mere 900 km to the east, grips tightly into the hearts and minds of the people.

I’m in District VII this night, -the Jewish quarter, which nowadays is the epicentre of the city’s nightlife, the art scene, and it’s also the unofficial redlight district. I stroll through its narrow and unpleasantly crowded alleyways, which take me past the 2nd largest synagogue in Europe, plenty of galleries, strip-clubs, a plethora of washed-up street workers, shady bars, lurid night clubs and an army of “drug”-dealers which, for the most part, sell either oregano or powdered sugar to shitfaced nightcrawlers.

There Is Somebody Consciously Present in This Body

I’m also passing the famous ruins bars, which are abandoned, derelict buildings that have been transformed into amusement establishments. What started roughly 2 decades ago, as a hub and gathering spot for the local artists & oddballs, nowadays is nothing more but a cheap, well-chewed, tasteless mass-tourist attraction. Electronic music from the conserve, overpriced drinks & fast food, occupied by thousands of drunk and loud tourists from all over the world. Not my crowd, not my type of entertainment. I enjoy things which make me feel, which in a best-case scenario, make me afraid. To me, this is the true essence of being alive. No risk involved by celebrating in such Disneyland’ish, artificial establishments. No new lessons to be learned, no evolution to be obtained, no beings present that emit frequencies of interest.

As I elbow my way through the flock of this multifaceted, highly obnoxious late-hour mayhem, I see a girl sitting at the curb next to one of the bars, smoking a cigarette. We are looking at each other, -firmly-, as if we were waiting for one another. She stands out from the crowd. I see clarity in her eyes. There is actually somebody consciously present in this body – something I haven’t yet encountered this night.

Ruins Bar in the Jewish Quater, Budapest 10/2022

Have You Seen the White Rabbit?

She has brown, shoulder-length hair, large amber-coloured eyes, a fine face and a petite bone structure. She wears a long, loose, charcoal-grey coat, which hangs casually over a lemon-yellow summer dress.

I walk towards her, while we are holding each other’s gaze. After a short, warm smile, I sit down right next to her and ask slowly and in a clear and warm tone: “Have you seen the white rabbit? I need him to show me something.”

Surprisingly, without the slightest hesitation, she replies: “Don’t be silly. Have you looked around? No rabbit would ever come here. It’s too loud, too noisy. How could you even spot an eensy-weensy creature like a rabbit in this crowd?”

I nod. “This rabbit is a highly unusual specimen. It is drawn to authentic human emotion, attracted to unfiltered frequencies. Do you know a place where he could go to experience this?”

She tilts her head to the side, looking like a bizarre owl, and says: “You won’t find a place like that here. It’s all the same. Outside of the city, there is an underground club in an old industrial building “Fabrika”. The crowd there is very different. Your rabbit could be there. “

I reply: “It sounds exactly like the place where the white rabbit would go. Perhaps you would like to join me and we can look for him together? Two pairs of eyes usually see more than one.”

She replies with a laugh: “Right! I see what you are doing here. I tell you something. I’d join you, but I’ve just finished my shift and all I want to do is have a hot bath and hit the hay.”

We continue to talk about our dreams and goals, the struggles of working in a bar, the risks of smoking and alcoholism and the surprisingly mild temperatures we are all enjoying in mid-October. She also shows me the exact location of “Fabrika” on my phone.

We say goodbye and at the next junction, I hail a cab, which, -within a 35 minutes’ drive, – brings me to the outskirts of the city.

Fabrika, Budapest 10/2022

Everybody Wants to Decompress

Unsurprisingly, I find myself in an industrial area. Many old and partly dilapidated brick buildings and warehouses line the streets. “Fabrika” lives up to its name. It is a large, multi-storey building with high barred windows and a chimney about 20 metres high made of red brick stones.

In the courtyard of the building complex, there is a long queue of potential partygoers waiting to be dealt with by the bouncers. Most of them dressed in black, some of them, thanks to the mild temperatures, in revealing fetish gear. This definitely looks more like my type of crowd.

The door seems quite strict. No wonder on a Friday night, in this season, post-pandemic, war in Ukraine. Everybody wants to decompress. More than half of the people who attempt to get in are rejected – harshly. Especially single men seem to have no chance to enter. In most places, that would imply bad news for me. Luckily, this is Budapest.

Big Gestures, Loud Voice, Aggressive Mimic

Right before it’s my turn, an Italian couple is rejected. Typical for the Mediterranean mentality, the ego of the guy goes melt-down. He starts a passionate discussion with the bouncers. Big gestures, loud voice, aggressive mimic. Mere seconds after the word “Stronzo” is uttered – I watch two massive bald-headed goons in grey Alpha jackets rush to the door. In the blink of an eye, they pick up the wildly cursing Italian and carry him, like a sack of cement, to the exit of the establishment. Even from a distance, I can clearly hear that his reconnection with mother earth didn’t take place in the gentlest of ways.

Now it’s my turn. This spectacle doesn’t concern me – hence I keep my cool. The main bouncer focuses me with his gaze. I look back, straight into his eyes and give him my most confident and warmest smile. All I say is “Schönen guten Abend!” in a friendly, clear and loving way. He nods, and without saying a word, steps aside to welcome me in. The German industry, foremost the automobile sector, provides a significant part of employment and economic growth in Hungary. Especially in the wider regions of Győr and Budapest. If you speak German and treat people with respect, very few doors will remain closed to you.

Although the building looks large and expansive from the outside, the interior is very narrow and contorted. Many small rooms, which are connected to each other by tight corridors. It’s a bit like a maze in here. I go around in circles several times before I somewhat find my bearings. The atmosphere is exuberant and the music typical. Aggressive electronic beats with a fast, hard bassline. The thick concrete walls amplify the force of the bass strongly, which makes it absolutely unavoidable to feel its physical pressure throughout the building.

Dancfloor Fabrika, Budapest 10/2022

I Accidentally Shoulder Tackle Into One of the Party Guests

I dance for about an hour, until my clothes stick to my body evenly. On the way to the bar, where I intend to rehydrate myself with water, I accidentally shoulder tackle into one of the party guests. The guy is in his mid/late 30s, crewcut, skinny frame and his giant pupils, which easily cover 80% of his blue iris, tell me that he is thoroughly enjoying himself tonight. He wears a black leather harness, black chaps and jump boots with white laces. Through our collision, he spilled the majority of the beer in his hand all over his finely polished boots.

I apologize to him with a quick “Sorry mate!”, whereupon he angrily barks into my face: “You fucking American cunt. Because of you ignorant people, all of the world will burn!”

He takes a step towards me so that we face each other nose tip to nose tip. I can smell his beer breath and the sweaty scent of his body. I answer him very slowly and clearly: “I’m not from the States. I’m German. I don’t think you can solely blame the Yanks. If things escalate in such severe ways, usually a multinational group of egotistic, power-hungry, sociopathic assholes are to blame.”

Our Species Deeply Enjoys Fucking & Killing Each Other

He replies loudly and angrily, spitting into my face: “The Americans have destabilized Europe by overthrowing the Ukrainian government in 2014. Now they are selling their oil, they are selling their weapons. They are the sole beneficiaries of this war. Don’t you get it?”

I reply: “Sure I get it. Look, I don’t want to argue with you. I’m here to have a good time, just like you. What I’ve learned about the human race, in my time being in this body, is that our species deeply enjoys fucking & killing each other. It’s what the “naked-monkey” does. It’s never going to change. All we can do as individuals is to live with love, kindness and trust in the Almighty.” I finish the sentence with an overly broad cheek-to-cheek smile, pointing up to the ceiling – to make sure he understands.

View on the castle, Budapest 10/2022

We Discuss the Possibility of Imminent Nuclear Annihilation

He looks at me perplexed. I can see the anger slowly fading from his face. I put my hand on his shoulder and offer him to buy a new beer.

We walk to the bar together and share two “Dreher” lagers. We have an inspiring conversation about online marketing – interestingly, his main field of expertise. We also discuss the possibility of imminent nuclear annihilation – which I reply to be “an event I would be fascinated to be part of”. I mean, the end of life on our blue planet is something humans predict since the earliest days. Wouldn’t it be an incredible privilege to witness it during our lifetime?

Most Fears Immediately Lose All Their Power Over Us

I dance for another hour until I decide to take my leave. The clock reads 4:30 am. During the 40-minute taxi ride back to my Airbnb, I reflect upon all I’ve witnessed in the last hours. All the faces, all the emotions, the energies and all the fears shared with me.

We all have our fears, and we all deal with them in certain ways. Some people drink, others smoke and others fuck to escape their fears for a while.

What I have learnt is that if you simply embrace your fears, and go towards them, or even better, through them – most fears immediately lose all power over us. Only by running away from them, by avoiding them, by hiding from them, do we give them power over our lives and sacrifice our energy and, in the long term, also our health and happiness.

© Philipp, 17 October 2022